theplayhouse's Diaryland Diary

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what's wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SOMETHING WRONG

I'M NOT HTE PERSON I WANT TO BE. I FEEL LIKE I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT OT EXIST, I DON'T WANT TO EXIST IF I'M NOT THAT PERSON I WANT TO BE. IF IT HURTS AND TEARS ME APART

IT ALL COMES IN PERSPECTIVE. I'M BORED OF MY MIND. OF REALITY. OF WHAT'S HERE RIGHT NOW.

i think about ripping out my veins a lot. how all this living stuff inside me could be torn out, brought out into the daylight were the blood is obvious. break apart
splash
smash
release

that's fucked.

if i've been stuck for this long doesn't that mean i should give up?

when do i give up. i'd hurt my mother and my father so much.

so i can't right?

if i do give up, will i squirt blood on people. fall out of a window, falling from heights one of my most resented feelings. maybe making myself do that would make me want to live and at that very moment i would die. live the most and die so close together.

i just want people to show they care about me.

and they don't. that's an impossible request for such a fucking insecure freak who they don't even really likie. okay not freak, they don't see it as freak, just boring. boring.

4:09 a.m. - 2009-06-10

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